ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING REALITY TV watch this weekend

Marie Kondo hits Netflix, Olivia Colman as the queen (but not that one) and a hell of a lot of talent shows.

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU

Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, Netflix

Apart from not really, cause you’re sat on your sofa watching telly all weekend just like you did last year. And good – we all know it’s a sneaky scheme designed to make us A) hate ourselves and B) buy things to make us not hate ourselves. Trick yourself into thinking you’re being proactive by watching tidying guru Marie Kondo on Netflix, as she meets people who need to declutter their lives – including a recent widow who needs to sort through her late husband’s belongings and a couple who need to prepare their space for an imminent baby. It’s got all the heart of an episode of Queer Eye and enough earnestness to inspire you to tidy up your own house. Maybe.

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AN OSCAR-TIPPED FAVOURITE

The Favourite, in cinemas

Those familiar with director Yorgos Lanthimos – The Lobster, The Killing Of A Sacred Deer – will know to expect the unexpected with his latest film, The Favourite. In one of her most interesting and prominent roles yet, Olivia Colman plays an older, hilarious yet devastatingly poorly Queen Anne, tasked with guiding the country through a war with France while simultaneously navigating the adorations of Lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz) and new servant Abigail Masham (Emma Stone). It’s a rich, sumptuous movie, and takes you to places rarely seen in a costume drama about English royalty – namely, lesbian sex in a library.

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ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING REALITY TV

The Greatest Dancer, 8pm Saturday, BBC One
The Voice, 8pm Saturday, ITV
Dancing On Ice, 6pm Sunday, ITV

X Factor and Strictly might be long gone by now, but the cycle of reality TV stops for no one, as three – yes, three – shows kick off this weekend. The first, The Greatest Dancer, is a newbie to the genre and sees “captains” Oti Mabuse, Matthew Morrison and Cheryl search the UK for, well, a really good dancer. The prize? A chance to dance on Strictly itself. On at the same time is The Voice, with no changes to the judging panel for this year. It begins with a series of blind auditions as usual – arguably the most interesting part of the 14-week programme. And then there’s Dancing On Ice, the cheeky wink-wink, nudge-nudge ITV sister of the BBC’s more grown-up dance shows, mainly thanks to the extra element of danger that ice, blades and live TV create. Taking part this year are meme queen and star of The Only Way Is Essex Gemma Collins, and actual Frenchie from actual Grease, Didi Conn.

A BINGEABLE THRILLER

You, Netflix

Adapted from Caroline Kepnes’s book of the same name, You looks like your average teen drama and not just because it’s got Dan from Gossip Girl in it. And it would be, if your average teen drama consisted of stalking, murder, tech abuse and possibly one of the most misogynistic, creepy characters TV has given us. He’s called Joe, and he’s the epitomy of everything that is wrong with privileged men – though, unsurprisingly, he thinks the exact opposite. The unlucky object of his affections is Beck, a writer and grad student who bumps into Joe while shopping in the bookstore he manages – it’s all very When Harry Met Sally, until he steals her phone and starts masturbating outside her flat. Rather than legitimising or sexualising this highly disturbed behaviour, You shows just how much technology can be used for the worse and just how surreptitious violence against women can be.

AND SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO…

This year’s telly is already shaping up to be quite spectacular, especially when it comes to the second installment of some of our favourite shows. Later in the year we’ll be treated to Big Little Lies series two, the second series of Killing Eve and (finally) another dive into Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s world of Fleabag. And so begins the great re-watch of early 2019…

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