How to deal with rejection, from someone who really, really knows
- December 16, 2019
- William Lewis
ccc and I was convinced it was my destiny to play the singing headmistress leading her pupils on an intergalactic odyssey.
I rehearsed my audition speech and practiced my step-ball-change for weeks. But when the casting announcement was posted on the classroom notice board, I found out that I hadn’t got the role. I’d been given a bit part as an alien instead.
Rejection hurts. I should know: I’ve experienced a lot of it. As a writer and arts professional, getting regularly turned down for stuff is practically obligatory. I’ve been refused grants by nearly every major funding body in the country; name a theatre, and I’ve probably received some form of polite decline from it.
Early in my career, this bothered me, a lot. My peers seemed to be ascending to the tops of their chosen fields effortlessly – landing promotions, academic prizes and artistic commissions – while I was left languishing in a pile of ripped SAEs and returned play scripts. As I scrolled through photos on Facebook of acquaintances clutching awards and quaffing champagne, it was easy to believe that success was something that either came to you – or, in my case, didn’t.
We don’t will in general boast about dismissal all things considered, yet maybe it’s something we have to discuss more. Take a gander at the professions of the absolute best individuals alive today, and obviously dismissal has been a critical piece of their direction. Harry Potter and the Rationalist’s Stone was broadly declined by 12 separate distributing houses before JK Rowling found a book bargain; Meryl Streep was told she was ‘excessively revolting’ to star in Ruler Kong.
Nearly everybody encounters frustrations throughout everyday life. What recognizes these splendid ladies is the way that they continued onward. The mystery of Rowling’s prosperity is that she made that thirteenth accommodation, when such a large number of would have surrendered after one dismissal, or three, or ten. How effectively Streep may have been crashed by the heartless remarks of one dolt maker; rather, she considered it to be motivation to drive forward, and proceeded to accomplish the most tremendous vengeance ever by winning three Institute Grants and accepting a record breaking 21 designations.
Perhaps the best suggestion I at any point got was to go for 100 dismissals every year, and to let the victories deal with themselves
Perhaps the best suggestion I at any point got was to go for 100 dismissals every year, and to let the triumphs deal with themselves. At the point when you reframe your methodology along these lines – regardless of whether you’re a craftsman or a business visionary or a promoting executive – it evacuates an immense measure of uneasiness. All things considered, a dismissal is a result nearly anybody can accomplish.
Anybody, that is, who is happy to toss their cap in the ring. In Lean In: Ladies, Work and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg cited a report which found that men go after positions when they accept they meet 60% of the necessities, though ladies possibly apply when they accept they meet 100% of them. This has been credited as a clarification for why men will in general be advanced more quickly than ladies. While I think there are a wide range of explanations behind this that have little to do with ladies’ progressively hesitant way to deal with requests for employment and a ton to do with imbued sexism, there’s in any case something to be said for going for broke and propelling yourself outside your usual range of familiarity. On the off chance that US presidents aren’t letting their woeful absence of experience keep them down, for what reason would it be advisable for us to?
In addition, dismissal can show all of you sorts of valuable stuff. Subsequent to getting progressive knockbacks as a dramatist, I chose a couple of years back to have a go at something new and handled my first bonus as a true to life author – presently, that is all I compose, and I’ve quite recently had my first book distributed. I’ve taken in the significance of perusing rules appropriately; how to walk the scarcely discernible difference among enthusiastic and pushy; who gets me, and who just never will. From multiple points of view, dismissal can really be more useful to individual advancement than progress.
A glad symptom of gathering dismissals, it turns out, is that occasionally you land victories as well. I may have been turned somewhere near a large portion of the significant subsidizing bodies in the nation, however by gaining from their input and sharpening my methodology, I’ve presently gotten awards from a great deal of them. I as of late handled a spot on a residency program I thought I got no opportunity in damnation of getting; I’d presented a hurried application just to tick it off my rundown, and was astounded and enchanted to be welcome to assume up a position.
Now, while I may not quite be able to revel in my rejections, I can at least be a little sanguine about them. Because I’ve learnt that getting turned down for something is just a step closer to the shot that will be successful. And that’s something to celebrate.
As for my portrayal of an alien back in 1994? Oscar-worthy. I absolutely smashed it. Ultimately, it sometimes takes a rejection to realise what path you should really be following. Even if it does involve donning a pair of sequinned deeley-boppers, painting your face green, and doing jazz hands like your life depended on it.